Emma And I

There was a verse I found as a child, and I clung to it for many years later. It was from Psalm 27 verse 10. It says this, "When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me." A few years later I was introduced to another verse that struck my heart and all my belief systems. This one is from John. In amongst chapter 14, verse 18 says this, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

I take from just those two verses alone - for there are so many more - that God is not just God. He's a father. Not just a father. But the Father of all fathers. His love for us is completely and utterly unconditional. No strings attached. No acts or professions will earn his love. No words or decisions will win his heart. Its already won. He loves us because we are us. We are his creation. We are his children. He's a dad, that loves his kids...simply because we're his kids.

I thought of this, this afternoon as I was jumping on the trampoline with Emma, a 22 month old. She is the youngest of the three kids I live with at the moment. A gorgeous blond, blue eyed, cheeky thing. We started of with just little jumps - little for me, big for her - then I would do a slight bump and lift her into the air. She loved it. "Ready", she would say every time she wanted me to do it again. We jumped together for ages.

The whole time we were jumping together on the trampoline Emma was holding my hands. Her grip was unrelenting. Every now and then we would pause, or while in mid air I could feel as she was adjusting her small hands in mine so I have a firmer grasp on hers. After a fair while of jumping together, she let go and jumped by herself. I let her be. Then she came back to me. We jumped together a little more.

When she finally got tired she plonked herself down, I sat opposite her. We played a little game together. Then she got up jumped a little, then sat down. "Your turn now Joella" she said. Nicely surprised I got up, was able to do two small jumps. "Emma's turn now". So I sat down, and so we continued, each time I jumped when "Your turn now Joella" was said, each time I sat when it came to "Emma's turn now".

What my thoughts while having fun with Emma on the trampline were somewhat like this: I wonder if, when we're at that place of knowing and experiencing God as my Father, and me his child, that when he comes along and 'jumps on the tramp' with us do we do the same as Emma?

Thinking about it now, I think we do.

I experienced that same 'jumping' enjoyment a few weeks ago. I still do today. It is those times when my Father comes and plays with me and life is fun. The slightly overcast weather doesn't affect our 'jumping' time, nor does the wind with the slight chill to it. We're just having fun. But through this whole time, we hold His hands tightly, because we trust that He is the only one worth holding on to. Or maybe we hold on so tightly for fear of letting go and being hurt.

Every now and then we want to jump on our own, but we realise that even when someone is watching with pride, encouragement and a watchful eye, it's no fun just to jump on your own. So I come back to my Father and together we play again.

It was just my thought today as Emma and I jumped....you know the joy to the end of that play time was though?? After we played together, James and Aleisha (the other two kids) came and joined us...all four us were on the trampoline together. Take that any way you will.

So, with a quiet house, and the end to the day, a cup of tea sounds the thing.

Jo xx

Another Step

It's certainly been a while since much was said on my blog. It is amazing how so much can happen in a certain amount of time.


Any deep thoughts seem to be momentarily put aside as I embrace a little bit of happiness life brings. Which, ultimately, is where I am.


To understand the concept that it is okay to be you, is a feeling of freedom. Others may judge you in some form or another, but to know that no judgement comes from the only One who's opinion matters most is a gratifying feeling.


What I have been given, I am very much thankful for.


Of course, tea does make it all the little bit better.

xx

A Journey And A Half It Certainly Is!

Today is my 21st birthday.

A while ago I had a feeling that my 21st year was going to be one of the most interesting years of my life to date. I did not know what was going to happen and I did not know why it would be so important. Now in my belief, as Horton says it perfectly in the incredible movie ''Horton Hears A Who'': A person's a person no matter how small. So with my calculations, although my birthing day is the 28th of April, I believe my 21st year started Aug/Sep last year.

For those that know some of the pain, growth, and incredible relationships that came out of that time - what an honor it is to have those months as the start of a new year. It has seemed that ever since then, the playground has been filled with nothing but constant learning. Learning, which I think comes from Grace alone, has gone to my heart and I have not successfully turned a deafing ear to it. Of which I am most greatful for.

On Facebook as my status or what is on my mind I have written: I wonder...if we could see into the future, would we choose the road we see ourselves taking? maybe thats the beauty of it, if we changed our course we wouldn't experience the cliffs, potholes, piercing arrows, or the most precious of all -- those that come beside us and with love take our hand and help us along...To me this is my heart. I look back and even in the last month if I could change the choices I have made, I would think twice.

But, to have changed the road that I have walked, and that I have walked with others, would mean that I would not have been able to experience a miracle. I would not have experienced the depth of how far I can emotionally take myself (a depth I would rather not return to). I would not have experienced the affects of having no good boundaries. I would not have experienced a difficult conversation, given to me with nothing but love. I would not have experienced how much my actions (the good and very much the bad) affect those around me.

But most of all I would not have experienced the person who I do not want to be. The friend I do not want to become. The sister that I am. To have gone through all of this in order to find out what I do not want, helps me on the path of knowing what I do want.

To start of with that on my 21st year is an incredible gift, and one I truly appreciate.

Much love xx
Jojo

A Fight Worth Fighting

For the last couple of weeks, life has been nothing short of a very big challenge. This last week especially. It ended with me asking a friend to take me to an insanity home. Though she never complied, I was more than happy to be in a white room banging my head against a wall, strapped in a white coat. Though as we all learn quickly, we can never escape the insanity of our minds. Unfortunately we take our minds where ever we go. There is no hiding from it. And as it may seem that the insanity of my mind may be leaving as I bang my head against the white wall, in all fairness it may just be the lack of brain cells - Due to my senses being knocked out of me.

With the insanity my mind brought me this week, something inside of me was being pushed out of the arena and I was loosing my grip on it. Hope is an incredible thing. (It is also one of four words that I am still on a journey of discovery). My hope was what I was giving up on. I was so consumed with my own thoughts as my most dominant company. Thoughts that made circles wind themselves into other circles creating a never ending circus. But something has happened in the last 24 hours that has taught me about hope. Though I speak only of my own experiences, I believe they are relevant to others circumstances.

I learned that when you have held on to hope so hard, a hope for something significant to you, and you start to loose it: Hope itself will fight back. Even when you have lost the strength and courage to do so yourself. During my dreams last night, thoughts of dark chasms filled my head. With every empty pit thought, the last bit of pea sized hope I had buried somewhere in my heart, pierced that pit with a serge of light. Every word of nothingness and dull void I spoke to myself, hope filled and retaliated with vibrant colours and a gentle encouragement. When I felt my hope falling away into the dark, it fought back.

I learned something else about hope in these last 24 hours. When it feels as if all hope is fading away or simply just gone, there was someone willing to fight on my behalf. He was not going to let this concrete foundation I had held onto for so long be washed away by the tide. There is a passage in a part of a book, one I am oh so gradually learning to appreciate. I quite like these few words. They speak about how two people, are better than just the one. When one falls, the other is there to pick them up. If one is overpowered two can defend themselves. My strength had diminished, but my father's had not. He executed the perfect way for putting these words into action.

It is simply incredible what happens when we loose what we believe in. What we hope for. What we have faith in.

It is simply spectacular what happens when we regain those beliefs, that faith, our hope. Oh how true is the song that claims the words "We've got the best Dad in the whole world"! He will never let us loose sight of something we have held on to, together, for so long.

xx

25 Random Things

For all those that have joined the movement of Facebook, you will know that there is a fun new fact that is circling around. If you get 'tagged' by someone, you are to write 25 random things about yourself, then it is your turn to tag the 25 people of your choice. They learn 25 things about you they didn't know before hand...you learn 25 things about them that you didn't know before hand, and so it continues. Well, not to long ago, I wrote my 25 random things, which was not as easy as I thought it would be. A little over an hour later I had succeeded. Then, an interesting fact occurred: the moment I finished, I stumbled upon other people's own 25 random things. It was only after I had finished my list, and read other people's, that more things came to my mind. I found myself listing more things in my head as my night continued.

When I re-read what I had written for my 25 things, I am quite satisfied that at least half of them would be news to many. But out of all of them, number 13 has stuck with me. This was what I wrote: I've never been able to stand children. That was until I went to Tonga (twice, once in '04 and again in '05) and helped out in their schools. Everything has been different since! The amount of times I was told that I should be a teacher is incredible. The amount of times I despised the idea was more. Why it has stuck with me since I have written it, is because half of my life I could not stand children. I will spend the rest of my life, trying to be like one.

Over the last two and a bit weeks, I had been looking after two kids during the last part of the school holidays. There were plenty of days that friends came around to play, or even stay the night. I noticed the different dynamics they all had - the differences of those that were allowed to be a kid and those that carried more on their shoulders than what should be required of any child. There is a story I am fond of, only a few know of it, called 'Samantha'. It is about a little girl who has grown up to quickly and no longer believes in imagination. She is taken on an adventure which shows her how important her imagination is, and how unimportant it is to be a grown up.

Though I have no 'point' to this all, they are all just thoughts written down. But in myself, I see that I spent far to much time being a grown up, placing things on my plate that were unhealthy for me. When I should have just been what I was. A kid. There is a movie called 'Raising Helen' and there is a part in the film where Helen's 15 year old niece yells at her saying that she is not a child. Her aunt replies that she is a child, and if her niece won't fight for that then she will. I wonder, have we stopped fighting for children's childhoods? I know I stopped fighting for mine. But, I am now travelling a road that will help me fight back. I stroll down my road with my father next to me, teaching me about what it means to be like a child.

Hhhmmm. Good thoughts. Time for a cup of tea I think.

Jo xx

On Pause

I am currently in the middle of writing an email to - of course someone dear. I have just paused to re-read what I have written. As I have already stated, I am on somewhat of an intentional journey at the moment. I looked up, not long ago, four words in the dictionary. Love. Hope. Heart. Dream. All of which are taking me on an incredible ride. The heart, my own especially, is the most precious of all four words. To me. While re-reading a part of my email, in which I am describing some of the heart and it's effect on me lately, something has rested with me. This is some of what I have written: "(the heart) has taken me on a path that is as equally satisfying as it is frustrating. Frustrating, because it is such an incredible subject, that no matter how much time you spend learning about it, you still don't know anything." Whether it be just me, or simply the way I was designed, my heart is incredibly valuable to me, and who I am. I treasure it dearly, and have probably guarded it with to much caution over the years. But all that I carry in my heart is simply more precious than anything else. In saying that, what rested with me after re-reading the email, were all those that have a place somewhere in my heart. All of you. So, I take this opportunity, to thank you. For letting me put a place for you, in my heart. Without you, a piece would be missing, and the puzzle would not be complete.

Jojo xx

Love In The Dictionary

Out of curiosity, I thought of looking up a few words in the dictionary. Four words in particular: Hope. Dream. Heart. Love. 'Heart' was the one that caught my attention, and put excitement in me. There were a few gems there, that I will let sit and simmer, waiting for that pleasant aroma to sift through my every being. So while waiting, and before I end my night, 'love' came up as a dessert.

It is incredible how lost we are in the meaning of love these days. Nearly every third or fourth line mentioned something sexual. Only once was the word emotion actually used and then it was in the context of being emotionally attached to something. The word most used for defining what love is, was 'affection'.

There is of course that infamous chapter in the Bible about love. Chapter 13. That, has to be the best description of what love is, and the attributes of love. I suppose why my disappointment, because I am looking for the root of love. The deeper meaning than an affection for something or someone. I want to know where it comes from. Oddly enough, the heart is not mentioned under the word 'love'.

Though my search may sound a sandwich short of a picnic, and the enormity of it to me may be lost on some. It is like this...A child asks you why does the moon shine at night time. We reply that it is the sun's reflection on it that makes it shine. I am that type of child that asks that oh so predictable one word question. Why? I ask what is love. The dictionary replies, that it is an affection toward someone or something. My question is, but why?

Although this is only one source, and only one day, frustration has kicked in. More towards us, as people today, who have lost what it is to truly love. That experience of heart exploding love. Love has been loosely used, and misused, and it is heartbreaking to see how some interpret what love is. If anything, I continue my journey with a deep determination. Four words. Oh how only one can change everything.

Jo xx